Tuesday, March 25, 2008

A (borrowed) personal manifesto

*reprinted from my most recent Facebook note so if you've seen it there, no worries about re-reading it ;)*

My friend Elizabeth wrote this and I think it perfectly sums up the way I've been feeling about some things over the last few mos. As she's given me permission to reprint it, I will - except I'm not going to tag specific people. I get that she did, and why she did, but a part of the drama I've been dealing with has been chasing people and trying to get them to talk to me, and I'm done w/that. This isn't for my like, 140 Facebook friends who we're just padding each other's lists - it's for those of you who check up on me regularly, and in that sense ... no tagging necessary. So thanks again, Elizabeth, for putting some vague concepts into words for me. :)

MY MANIFESTO (borrowed from, and all credit to, Elizabeth Bate)

man•i•fes•to (mān'ə-fěs'tō)
n. pl. man•i•fes•toes or man•i•fes•tos
A public declaration of principles, policies, or intentions, especially of a political nature.

“I have many regrets, and I'm sure everyone does. The stupid things you do, you regret… if you have any sense, and if you don't regret them, maybe you're stupid.”
~Katharine Hepburn

I have been through a few things lately that have made me realize how short life is and how petty some things are. So, this note is to serve two purposes, as stated in the definition above;
1. A public declaration of intentions
2. A public declaration of policies

If you were tagged in this note it's because you are my friend(s) and/or family and I love you, I care about you and I want you in my life. Also I specifically tagged those that I thought deserved the appology as well.
(If you're wondering why someone is missing, I reached my tag limit.)


A. I am issuing a blanket apology. If I have EVER done anything or said anything that offended you in any way I am sorry. I love you all, and I would never intentionally hurt you in any way. I am truly sorry.
As I write this portion there are a few specific incidents I am thinking of. However, if some unknown or long held offence still exists, then I am sorry for that too.
If you think that the offence committed against you deserves more than just what is written here, though the sincerity of my apology is no less in this format, then open a dialogue, talk to me, and I will apologize more thoroughly in person if need be. Pride is useless if you are all alone and the friendship matters more to me than being right. So, know that I am sorry.

B. Blanket forgiveness: The reverse is true. If you ever did anything to upset me, you're forgiven and it's forgotten. We're friends, I love you, we're all good. From this point on, all scores have been settled, all markers have been cashed. The playing field is even and so are we.


I have no energy to. Plus I honestly believe that hate serves no purpose. People whom I have thought were of no use to me, I hang out with all the time now. How ignorant I was. You can never have too many friends. EVERYONE, I don't care who you are, has great points about them and everyone makes mistakes and deserves to be forgiven. This is and has always been a policy with me, so keep your hearts and your minds open.
This doesn't lend itself to any specific behavior changes, but I thought it needed to be said.
If you think you can't "come home again" you're wrong. Who cares if we haven't spoken in days or years? I am your friend, you are my family. I want to share in your joys and your sorrows. I want to be your shoulder to cry on, your counselor and advisor, your shopping buddy, your giggle partner, your drinking buddy, your teacher, your student and your helper as you are mine. That's what friends are for. No matter what, you can talk to me.

Call me old-fashioned, or just old, but I've reached a point in my life where I find gossip, especially nasty, ugly gossip, boring. I don't have the energy to care and I don't want to hear it. Now, I realize that in the past I have been a major offender in this regard. No more. As of here and now I will not spread rumors or talk rudely behind people's backs.
Good news, advice seeking and legit venting to understanding parties is not gossip, as long as it is understood by both parties that there is no malevolence intended and confidential information is not to be passed on. If you are mature, you know the difference and I know you all are so you all do.
I will take questions, comments, compliments and yes, criticism and complaints directly. My door is always open. If anyone comes to me and says something along the lines of "so-and-so said this about you" or "said to tell you this" I don't want to hear it. Let whoever wants to tell me something tell me themselves.
Exceptions are general party/event invitations and messages for me to contact someone. Again, common sense rules, you all know what I mean.

For me this has always been the case. You never need to question or worry that I am telling you the truth. I will always tell you the full truth, as I understand it at that moment, with no malevolence or ulterior motive. Nothing is ever gained by lying.
On the same token, I never ask a question I don't want an honest answer to. (So, if I ask you if my butt looks big, I want to know. lol) Never be afraid to tell me the truth.
The act of lying is always worse than the lie itself. I love you all and will not freak out, so just tell me.

As I grow older, I have become less and less dramatic. Or less over dramatic, however you want to put it. I don't freak out, I don't lose my temper, I just put on my big girl panties and deal with it. Sure I still cry, I still occasionally yell, but we all do. What I'm talking about is unreasonable, fly-off-the-handle freak outs. No more.
What this means:
a. There is nothing you can't tell me because you think I'll freak out or lose it.
b. I will assume that any problems we have, internal or external, can be dealt with in a reasonable, mature and adult manner.
Anywhere I am has just become a drama free zone.

All of them. I don't care if you don't like them. You may hate my other friends on your own time, but not on mine. Specific, legitimate venting or advice seeking is ok. I am your friend too and am here to listen to your problems. That being said, if you're just saying "I hate whoever, she's a bitch" for the sake of saying it and/or if it's said on a regular basis to me for no other reason than you just felt like saying that, stop it. It hurts me. I have good taste. I chose my friends. Don't insult me by putting them down for no reason. I will show you the same courtesy.

Jokes are awesome. Anyone who knows me knows I have a sense of humor and love to laugh. I am pretty easy going when I have a joke played on me, as well and I've been told I'm fun to tease. That being said, humor is a delicate issue, as everyone's is different. Practical jokes, unless they are done right and with out malevolence, are usually not funny. It takes skill to pull one off and if it falls flat, it can be cruel. Common sense, unless you KNOW I will find it funny keep the games to yourself. And this goes for 'jokes' played on others. I don't want to participate in things that are just obnoxious time wasters. If you must do it, do it without me.

Life is too short to be petty. Thank you for respecting my wishes. Thank you for being my friends.
I love you all.

1 comment:

Alex @ I'm the Mom said...

I saw it. And I read it. And I applaud it again :-)